Jesus on a Disney Bus

(Just a precursor note to all other stay-at-home parents who are somehow able to manage the education, the blogging time, and the face time with your family - you are amazing!  Because I am still learning how to juggle, this is a blog I wrote several weeks ago but am just now posting.)

Several weeks ago I was incredibly blessed to share a couple of days at Disney World with 3 of my favorite ladies: my mother and 2 daughters.  My mother was incredible as usual, ready for the new adventure. My oldest daughter will be 3 at the end of the month and was so excited to see Cinderella that she could barely sleep each night.  My youngest, well she was awake some of the time we were there (ha!).  

Rather than driving and parking on site, we decided to take advantage of the transport system provided onsite.  As I read the sign on the side of the bus, I knew this was going to be interesting:  "Dept. of Transportation regulations require all carriers to be closed and stowed."  So what, right?  Other than a necessarily printed safety regulation, what does that mean?  Well, to the parent, that means I need to get both kids out of their strollers and somehow either unload or miraculously condense this now fully-loaded stroller to a closed position.  Awesome.  I mean, I had diapers, snacks, sunscreen, and everything I thought we might need.  So my mom and I had to figure out who was going to hold the kids and who was going to hold the stuff.  

At first we had this marvelous idea: each one take a child and their stroller.  So I took my youngest baby, the largest stroller, and all our baggage to "lead the way."  While I could not get the stroller fully closed I thought maybe I could hold it closed and handle it anyway.  After all, this was a short trip.

Well, I was wrong.  With my one "free" arm I tried to lift this stroller, that once seemed to so beautifully hold all my well-organized "stuff" for the day, onto the bus.  I had so much extra baggage on this contraption, I could not even lift it with one arm.  That six inch step might as well have been six feet.  What a sight I must have been!  Feeling pitiful and embarrassed for holding up this line of people who all seem to have their stuff together, I looked at the driver, hoping he would lend his expertise.  As I looked into his eyes with hope, imagining I certainly could have been the only parent who was trying to manage it all for the first time, my eyes were met with a glare of frustration that I was holding things up.  I asked him if could just help me manage to lift it up onto the bus.  As he looked beyond me to see the line behind, he begrudgingly helped me lift it those 6 inches.  At that moment I found myself wishing those 6 inches were 600 feet, under which maybe I could hide.

Feeling increasingly awkward and embarrassed, I looked at this bus full of people avoiding eye contact with me.  I could imagine what was going through some of their minds:  pity, tiredness, excitement for their day, distractions with their own life situations, and some probably never even noticed me.  

So there I stood unable to hold onto anything because I was trying so hard to hold onto everything.  All the seats were full, one of my arms was fully with my baby and the other with my stroller (now conveniently becoming heavier baggage to weigh me down).  At this point I made a mental note:  "Mommy Muscles" do not grow themselves, I need to go back to the gym!  

Behind me is my mother with a lighter stroller and my ever-so-active two-year old.  When no one budged from "their spot," I finally asked a woman if she could hold one of her children in her lap so my mother could sit down.  She did, frustrated it seemed, but she did.

Then from out of behind people he came...like an angel for the day.  He said, "Please, take my seat."  I smiled kindly but realized my baby, my baggage, my stroller...we could not all fit.  Then he did the unthinkable:  he stood and offered more than just kind help.  He took my baggage and stroller in his own hand and uttered these words, "Sit with your baby, rest.  I will hold this for you."

And that's when I realized, with my heart overwhelmed, that must be what Jesus looks like...on a Disney bus.

Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light. (Matthew 11:28-30 NLT)

I could just hear Jesus:  My yoke is easy and My burden is light.  Lay all your baggage down.  Rest.  Let me carry it for a while.  In fact, you might see that trading your everything for My anything is so much better than you ever thought possible.  

Then I was challenged:  Who have people seen through me on my "bus" of life?  What role have I played on the journey?  Could it be time for me, for we who are disciples of Jesus of Christ, Christ-followers, to get off our seats on the bus and go pick up someone's strollers and baggage to give them a break.  How many people come strolling into my life, my journey, my faith, my Church who are weighed down with their own "baggage"?  How many times are we annoyed by their disruption of our routine or frustrated by their mess?  How many agitated glares have we given, or even worse, how many times have we just ignored them completely:  these annoying, messy, noisy, smelly, nothing-together, baggage-carrying, anxiety-ridden people for whom Jesus Christ died on a cross and gave His life.  These beautiful people who are desperately looking for a break and a rest, and whom God has somehow seem fit to place in my life, in our lives, at this time and this place.

Lord, forgive me.  Forgive me for getting too comfortable on the bus of life, whether it is in my own Church or somewhere else in life.  Please don't let me forget what it's like to alone in the crowd.  Please forgive me for the moments I have been the bus driver who is supposed to be there to help and lead but really is so stuck on my job I forgot the reason I do any of this.   Lord, forgive me for the moments I have been so absorbed with my own situation that as a leader on the bus I have looked past the person standing right in front of me because they were blocking me from "all those other people" who were "waiting to get in."  Forgive me for the moments I have been too afraid to stand up and give up my seat because it might make my journey less comfortable.  Forgive me for the times I never helped because it simply was not convenient.  Forgive me for the moments I look down or away for fear of getting involved when I am needed.  Forgive me for the moments that I am like the mother who is too focused on the comfort of my family that I am not ready to let anyone else in because of the possible inconvenience.  Forgive me for not stepping out and up.  

Help make me like the man who not only gave up his seat but took on the load.  Help me be like this servant not because I want to make someone's day or do something nice.  Help me share this love because my Savior did this for me first.  He gave up His seat on a throne to take my place on a cross.  Mockers glaring, he took all my baggage on Himself so I did not ever have to take it back.  Help me love because You first loved me.  Thank You, Jesus.  Amen.

Day 10 – Relationships

I must make a confession:  last night, I shared an ice cream pop with my daughter because she wanted Mommy to share with her in our celebration of her big achievement (a goal we have been working on for several days).  I faced a choice:  break the fast and honor the relationship or honor the fast and hurt the relationship.  I chose to honor the relationship first.   Some might agree, and some might disagree with this choice, but for my situation, it was the right thing for my family.

²⁸ One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

²⁹ “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. ³⁰ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ ³¹ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

³² “Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. ³³ To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.”

³⁴ When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions.

Mark 12:28-34

Lord, I pray that You would remind us that sometimes to be closer to the kingdom of God we have to choose people over policies.  Help us recognize that those decisions are sometimes difficult, but must always be bathed in prayer and in the following of Your Holy Spirit.  Forgive us for the moments we have chosen unwisely or disobediently.  Please heal those hurt in the damage of those decisions.  Lord, I pray that You would groom our children and youth workers with the wisdom to know when and how to seek You when they are faced with these choices.  May they dare to do the obedient over the popular.  May you protect them and remind them of Your hedge of protection when they make these choices.  May You encourage our existing leaders to support other leaders in these decisions as well.  Thank You for our Church leaders who so readily recognize this.  Personally, Lord, I thank You for giving this Church the ministry of healing.  I know that is a special gift You pour out through this Church family…I’ve experienced it.  Please bless those that need healing today.  I love you, Lord.  Thank You.

Day 9 – Calling

Tonight I had one of the my top 5 favorite spiritual teaching moments.  I taught my daughter that Jesus Christ is Lord.  As my daughter came running out of her bedroom crying to me, I asked her what was wrong.  Her response: I’m scared.  As we walked back in her room, hand in hand, I sat on her floor and she crawled up to me.  When I asked her what in her room scared her, she responded the monsters in her wall.  I asked her who was bigger than any monster, and she responded “God.”  I asked her if it would be alright if we could pray to God and ask Him to get rid of the monsters; so we prayed together and asked God to remove the monsters and to replace my daughter’s feelings of fears with a sense of His presence.  We asked God’s presence to fill the room.   Then we practiced verbally claiming “Jesus Christ is Lord” (she would repeat, word after word).  With each time we said it, we remembered that God was in her room and monsters cannot stay in the presence of God because Jesus Christ is Lord!

I don’t know how much of this my sweet 2 year old followed, but I know that she was finally able to go sleep with a smile on her face, and I was able to live out my calling to its core:  I taught that Jesus Christ is Lord, and our only hope is in Him.  I pray my baby clings to this truth for the rest of her:

¹⁰that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, ¹¹ and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Philippians 2:10-11)

Lord, please enforce the truth of Your calling on our children and youth workers.  Remind them to the core what it is You have called them to do.  Please let them hold on to that in the moments that they are tempted to get caught up in so many other distractions: politics, administration, ambition, frustration, hopelessness, or even good intentions.   May You remind all of the ministry leaders in our Church Who You are and what You have called them to be.  Please forgive us for the moments we have lived to less than Your calling, and grant us the grace to fulfill the mission You have given us.  Thank You, Jesus. 

Day 8 – Perspective

Today I felt like Alexander who had the “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”  If it could go wrong it did: from crying babies to flat tires, from broken printers to challenging business meetings.  It would be really easy to have an angry attitude, an upset spirit, a frustrated outlook on everything.  Then I was reminded of this verse:

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. (1 John 4:4)

Thank You, Jesus, for the truth that while I had crying babies, I had babies that I could hold and love on personally.  Thank You for the recently repaired car for me to use when my tire was flat.  Thank you for the broken printer that caused the person to take time to re-evaluate the business meeting information in my favor.   Thank You for reminding me that I am a Wesleyan: I choose to live in the optimism of grace, in the hope that this life and world can be transformed by risen Jesus Christ and power of the Holy Spirit. 

Lord, I pray for those “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days” in ministry that our children and youth workers will inevitably face.  Please remind them that they are Wesleyan, remind them to choose to live in the optimism of grace, in the hope of transformation.  Please remind them to teach this optimism of grace, this clinching to the truth that the Spirit of God at work within us is greater than anything, to our children and youth.  Anoint them.  If they have not yet experienced the transforming power of Your grace, please pour out Your Spirit on them today in a powerful way.  Thank You, Jesus.

Day 7 – Perseverance

If there is a deal on food that is not for this Daniel fast, I believe I have received it in the last 7 days.  I have even received an inordinate amount of “free” offers from food and beverage places over the last days.  From free sodas at a gas station just for showing a text message to a free appetizer simply for showing up with an email, the temptation to eat the foods of our kingdom is definitely imminent.  

So I found myself this day thinking about why I am really doing this fast.  Is it because my pastor thinks it will be a good idea?  As much as I respect him, that’s not it.  Is it because my family is doing it?  That’s not it either because not everyone in my household felt led to hear from God in this way.   So I decided it was time to go back to the source…again.  In the tenth chapter of Daniel I found this:

2 At that time I, Daniel, mourned for three weeks. 3 I ate no choice food; no meat or wine touched my lips; and I used no lotions at all until the three weeks were over.

4 On the twenty-fourth day of the first month, as I was standing on the bank of the great river, the Tigris, 5 I looked up and there before me was a man dressed in linen, with a belt of fine gold from Uphaz around his waist. 6 His body was like topaz, his face like lightning,his eyes like flaming torches, his arms and legs like the gleam of burnished bronze, and his voice like the sound of a multitude.

7 I, Daniel, was the only one who saw the vision; those who were with me did not see it,but such terror overwhelmed them that they fled and hid themselves. 8 So I was left alone,gazing at this great vision; I had no strength left, my face turned deathly pale and I was helpless. 

9 Then I heard him speaking, and as I listened to him, I fell into a deep sleep, my face to the ground.

10 A hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees. 11 He said, “Daniel, you who are highly esteemed, consider carefully the words I am about to speak to you, and stand up, for I have now been sent to you.” And when he said this to me, I stood up trembling.

12 Then he continued, “Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. 13 But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia. 14 Now I have come to explain to you what will happen to your people in the future, for the vision concerns a time yet to come. ”

15 While he was saying this to me, I bowed with my face toward the ground and was speechless. 16 Then one who looked like a man[b] touched my lips, and I opened my mouth and began to speak. I said to the one standing before me, “I am overcome with anguish because of the vision, my lord, and I feel very weak. 17 How can I, your servant, talk with you, my lord? My strength is gone and I can hardly breathe.”

18 Again the one who looked like a man touched me and gave me strength. 19 “Do not be afraid, you who are highly esteemed,” he said. “Peace! Be strong now; be strong.”

When he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, “Speak, my lord, since you have given me strength.”

As I read this passage, I remembered, I am doing this because I want to hear from God: not on my terms, but on His terms.  As I think of people like Mary, Joseph, and Zechariah I realize His messages are always better on His terms.  I want to experience the presence of God so powerfully that while the people around me may not be able to see it, they can feel that something is different.  

So I am reminded today of the line from one of my daughter’s favorite movies, Finding Nemo: “Just keeping swimming…”  When the ocean looks too big to cross, we are called to “just keep swimming.”  When the temptations arise, we are called to “just keep swimming.”  When things seem like more than we can handle…”just keep swimming.”

Lord, when I am distracted from what You have called me to do, please help me remember to “just keep swimming.”  Forgive me for the moments that I focus on my weakness instead of Your strength.  Thank you for your grace and power that can stand through any situation.  Today, Father, I choose to claim the truth of your grace… I choose to embrace the hope of what You will do in me: 

³ Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5)

For our children and youth workers, Lord today I pray that You would remind him/her to “just keep swimming” with the hope that You are up to more than they can see right now.  I pray You would send someone along their path(s) today who would remind them that You are preparing them for an amazing encounter, if they can just hold on.  May they sense the hope of your presence if they are in a place where they cannot experience it right now.  May they know they are not alone, and while they may not know where it is coming from, please somehow let them know they have a little Church family in Jacksonville who is already bathing them in prayer. 

And Lord, I pray today that you would encourage and lift up my brothers and sisters who are also on this fast.  Remind them of Your leading, and encourage their hearts today to “just keep swimming.” 

I love you, Jesus.  Thank you for teaching me to swim with You…

Day 6: Creativity

As we progress in the fast, I find myself looking for food to enjoy rather than simply survive.  So I began trying different spices and different combinations for all kinds of new and fun foods for us.  Tonight, I even made garlic bread to go with our marinara pasta, and while I still need to balance out the flavors more, it was pretty tasty!  I am so excited.

As I try more and different combinations of flavors, I am slowly realizing the power of creativity.  I am having so much fun trying new foods, imagining how my grandmother cooked to provide for so many with so little, but still raised a healthy family.  But with this creativity comes that dangerous word from which I have always struggled: failure.  What if it doesn’t taste good?  What if I waste the ingredients?  What if it burns?  What if it spoils?  What if… 

Through all this cooking I am learning that while all the ingredients might be right, the combination of them might not be just right yet.   However, if I want tasty food, I have to dare to take the failures, learn the how the combinations did not work, and try again with a different combination.  Otherwise I will be stuck with whole wheat that is not flavored or yummy at all. 

As I have dared to share my triumphs and botches with other friends joining in the fast, I have found a certain camaraderie.  We all want better food, but none of us can make it all.  So we each have been trying, testing, and sharing.  Maybe that is how ministry is supposed to look like:  trying, testing, and sharing. 

Lord, forgive me for the moments I have missed out on creativity because I have been too afraid of failure.   Forgive me for missing out on these incredible opportunities to find joy in the hardships simply by trying, testing, and sharing.  I pray that You instill in our children and youth workers the power of this model of ministry.  Help guard them from even themselves if You are trying to birth creativity in a new way through them while they are resisting for whatever reasons.  Encourage them this day, remind them of Your calling, and prepare them for Your service.

Also, Lord, for those of us who are honored with the opportunity to receive the eager ideas from a creative soul or to hear the stories of triumphs and botches, please remind us that we too are just learning.  Remind us that we once were eager, creative, and hopeful.  Help us protect this gift in our children, youth, and leaders.  May it energize and challenge us.  Forgive us for the times we have been quick to criticize, critique, or even change.  Help us to be ready ears, open hearts, and willing partners.

In Jesus’ name…

Day 5 – Redemption

Today, our pastor preached from Philemon, and I was struck by the power of the story.  Onesimus, a slave had run away from his master (Philemon) because of a wrong he had done to his master (likely stole a jewel from the wife).  As he ran, he met Paul, became a believer in Jesus Christ, and was challenged to return to make things right.  When Paul discovers Onesimus’ master was Philemon, a brother in the faith, this is a portion of the letter he wrote to him:

¹⁷ So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. ¹⁸ If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me. ¹⁹ I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand. I will pay it back—not to mention that you owe me your very self.

What an act of grace.  I mean literally, God was all over this situation: preveniently working to connect Paul and Onesimus, actively working to save Onesiumus and redemptively working in Philemon’s heart to forgive.  While it would be easy for Philemon to have Onesimus punished for his debt, Paul challenged Philemon to be a grace-giver.  However, the letter was not just written to Philemon; it was written to his family and church as well.  It was a challenge for all of them to be grace-givers.  We can only assume that the response was such that Paul requested, where he accepted the debt,  serving as Onesimus’ redeemer for the situation.

That is who Jesus has been to me: my Redeemer who paid my debt and set me free.  Jesus you have called me to be a grace-giver, a redeemer.  Please forgive me for the moments I find it easier to accuse and judge, for the grudges I have chosen to hold, for the relationships I have inappropriately severed.   Lord thank you for being my Redeemer, my Grace-Giver.  Please help me become a grace-giver in attitude, thought, and deed.

Lord, for our children and youth ministry, please remind us that you are working throughout the situation: preveniently, actively, and anticipatory.  Please help us hold to your grace rather than stepping into our own line.  Please help us receive your worker(s) with the same grace-giving attitude of your servants of the day, no matter their history.  Thank you, Jesus.

Day 4 – Relax

I am blessed with the most amazing husband ever.  He surprised me today with a 2 hour massage.  It was amazing.  He told me yesterday about this surprise.  He took care of the kids last night, he let me sleep in this morning,   It has been an amazing day.

As I awoke this morning and realized my husband was not in the room but off taking care of the baby, I found myself wondering, “Should I get up and get the kids?”, “What if he needs something?”, and “He should not have to do this, isn’t this supposed to be what I do for him?”.   Then I remembered, he wants me to rest and rejuvenate today.   He wants me to feel relieved and revitalized.  If he needs my help he will come and get me, but otherwise, my job is to relax and rejuvenate today.  While it sounds silly, that is the moment I realized I must intentionally relax and rest.   Treasure the moment.

Then came the amazing massage.  As I laid there while this gifted therapist was massaging my hands, I found my mind wandering.  I was thinking, this is nice but when are we getting to the good stuff?!?!  Then it hit me again: treasure this moment.  Don’t be so willing to let this beautiful moment pass just because it may not be as dynamic as you think it should be.   Lord, forgive me for trying to rush through the quieter moments you have provided in an effort to get into the dynamic moments.  Please help me not miss out on blessing or lesson you have for me because I am too busy “thinking” my way through it.  Forgive me for the moments I have already missed.

³Trust in the Lord and do good;
    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. 
⁴ Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, 
    your vindication like the noonday sun.

⁷ Be still before the Lord
    and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways, 
    when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Psalm 37:3-7

Lord, please allow the person you are calling for our children’s and youth ministries to treasure the moments with these precious children, whether quiet or dynamic.  Help them not rush through whatever preparation You are giving them now in hopes of something different.  Help them trust you, commit to Your way, be still in Your presence, and wait for Your leading.   Thank you, Lord. 

Day 3 - Serve

I have been floundering in my call and mission lately.  Unsure my role in life, I am trying to “hone in” on who I am and what I am to be doing in these days.  It’s funny…I seem to have an identity crisis every time I have to fill out my occupation on paperwork.  But it is finally becoming easier:  homemaker.  While I may have been other things in life, and while I might fulfill other roles at times, right now my primary task is to make a beautiful and pleasant home.

This fast has really challenged me with food: what to eat, how to develop flavor, when to be creative.  As I have been faced with this challenge, my ministry for now has been shown to me:  take care of your family.   Rather than being frustrated with this fast, I am actually learning how to create healthy, flavorful dishes that are good for my family—food that provides energy rather than sucks it away. 

As I stood in kitchen trying to make potato chips after a full day in the kitchen, I found myself grateful.  I never thought I would be in this place, be this type of woman, but it snuck up on me.  Thank you, Jesus for allowing me to prepare food for my family.  Thank you for the opportunity and resources to be creative.  Thank you for entrusting their basic survival needs to me.  Thank you for showing me the ministry to which You have called me right now.  May I be faithful with what you have given me so that I may please you and be trustworthy.

“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” (Luke 16:10)

As we think about the children and youth ministries at Church, I pray that someone may feel the distinct calling to do this ministry.  May s/he experience the assurance that I felt in the moment that what s/he is doing is right: maybe not forever, but for right now.   I pray You may prepare their hearts for the ministry to which You are calling them.  May they experience and know You have called them, and they must follow.  Protect their hearts and minds, energize their spirits, and renew them in You.

Thank you, Lord.

Day 2 - Worry

So tonight I find myself thinking so much about my children, and as a result…worrying.  I think about my youngest daughter and am concerned about her pain with teething.  I am concerned that she is not eating well.  I am worried that I was too tired for the last bottle and tried to feed her something that was old.  I am worried.

I think of my oldest daughter who is undergoing evaluation for speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy.  I thought she was doing so much better, but the specialists told me she is still not where she needs to be.  I am worried.

As I looked in on both of them before bed I laughed at myself as I watched to be sure they were still breathing.  I thought as I looked at them with so much love that I thought my heart would burst, is this how God looks at me?  Does my heavenly Father look at me, waiting for who I will become, with a heart bursting with love, yet somehow concerned for my decisions and what I do?

Then I was reminded of Philippians 4:6 – Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.

Lord, please forgive me for worrying about my babies, but Your daughters.  Thank You for entrusting me with the honor of loving them.  Please give my Zoe an extra hug tonight from her Mommy, and I will be sure to give Katelyn and Chloe some extra hugs from their heavenly Daddy.  I love you.  Thank you. 

Please forgive us, Father, if we have spent more time worrying about what to do with our children and teens than thanking you for entrusting them to us.  Forgive us for worrying about them rather than trusting you with them and thank you for who they are, what they do, and how they are becoming.  Thank you, Jesus.   

Day 1: Simplify

Daniel Fast Day 1: August 1

In one word, the lesson God is teaching me today is “simplify.”  As I listened, we were becoming so concerned about the “diet” portion of this fast that I was concerned we were about to miss the whole point and see this whole fast as about what we were eating, not what God is saying.  That’s it!  That’s what this fast is about for me: learning to listen to what God is saying.  I find it so difficult sometimes to quiet myself to listen.  There are certainly enough distractions: feedings, diapers, meals, dishes, laundry, racing thoughts, mourning dreams.

I have been accused of complicating matters in my life:  meetings, ministries, relationships, jobs, etc.  What if my biggest challenge in my dreams is not an outside force but an inside force:  my perception and reaction. 

It’s funny, I just had to stop writing this because my sweet 4 month old little girl started crying and needed rocked to sleep.  Lately, the best way we can get her to sleep is by playing a CD with music.  A dear family in the Church gave us her 1^st CD at her baby shower, so it is what we started playing by default: Baby’s 1^st Hymns.  At I sat listening to this CD playing, I heard some beautiful lyrics in my head with the instruments playing on the CD…”And He walks with me, and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own.  And the joys we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known…”

This is exactly what I needed to be reminded of.  In the hustle and bustle of my perceived busyness, I needed to remember to treasure this moment with my sweet baby.  Unless God leads otherwise, she is my last baby.  Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me to be here when she cried.  Thank you, Jesus, for letting me be the one she needs to console her when she is hurting.  Thank you for letting me hold her, rock her, love her, assure her.  Thank you for letting me be her mommy. 

Please forgive me for trying to rush and complicate this beautiful season of life where you have placed me.  Thank you for teaching me through so many examples lately that I just need to keep it simple.  I don’t have to complicate things.  Right now, I hear You telling me to stay simple.  Like the lunch I just made, I don’t need to complicate life with the preservatives to try to make something last that does not need to.  I don’t have to “fatten” up with life-artery- clogging fats.  I simply just need to enjoy the beauty of what You have given me, live contentedly with the resources You have provided.   Before truly experiencing them, I thought I was settling for something sub-average.  Now I realize the Promised Land is not out there to be sought but right here, right now, in Your presence. 

Jesus, “and I’ll walk with you, and I’ll talk with you, and I’ll tell You, You are my own.  And the joy we’ll share as we tarry there, none other will ever know.”  I love you.

And Lord, as we are seeking Your will for children’s and youth ministry, please forgive us for over-complicating things rather than keeping it simple.  Forgive us if we have been so busy “doing Church” that we have rushed from the very real moments you have given us to love these precious young ones.  Forgive me for not listening, for so many reasons and excuses.  I am sorry.  Speak Lord, we are listening.

Daniel Fast

The leadership team of my Church have asked for any who feel led to join in a "Daniel Fast" specifically for additional support to our youth and children's ministry leaders.  As part of this fast, I have personally committed to journal daily with what God is teaching me.  Here we go...